Let's let it all go!

Time after time we repeat how we do things, approach things, over and over again merely out of habit. We may expect a different result at certain times only to hit a brick wall where it may just scream at you “here we go again!”. This could be frustrating, we might not understand what we are doing wrong or why it feels like things can’t ever go right or even lead us to self pity with statements like “why does this keep happening to me?”. This is sadly not too uncommon and most of us have felt these things at one point or another.

If reading this transported you back to the moments in your life where you felt this kind of way, let’s take a second to say to yourself that it’s okay, you did what you thought was the best thing to do in the moment. Let’s be a little kinder to ourselves. It’s important that we know that it’s not our fault and even if sometimes it feels like certain things could’ve been easily prevented if we were maybe just a little bit more careful, or bothered to think ahead, I’m here to say whatever the reasons you’re giving yourself as to why it’s your fault, let’s let it all go! You’ve been hard on yourself for long enough.

See the thing is we can’t find a solution for a problem using the same lens we looked at it through when it emerged. Most of the time we tend to repeat the same patterns because we are unaware that it is a pattern in the first place. I can only talk from my own experience but the hardest patterns to break are the ones with family, or the people you grew up with from the time you were a baby. Whether we realise it or not, most of what we do in our adult lives stem from the learnt behaviours we acquired as a kid.

How often do we find ourselves getting triggered by our parents or siblings or any close member in our life for the simplest things, or reacting in a way that would be unacceptable or very unfamiliar towards anyone else that you’ve formed bonds with later in your life? When you yourself wonder why am I so mad, and feel quite guilty about the way you acted and handled the situation, you know something is not quite right. In the moment we might even remind ourselves or make a note in our minds to not react the same way again but to no avail, you might find yourself losing your mind over the same thing again the next time it happens.

The reason I say it’s harder for us to break those patterns with family is because since we were a baby we have reacted a certain way and over the years we are simply reinforcing the same reaction over and over again. To be frank, sometimes we don’t even know any better! It’s just what we’ve always done. The more we repeatedly do something, often enough, it automatically becomes a part of our subconscious mind, and our body remembers. Then it’s not that surprising why the moment a similar thought pattern emerges, we would activate our brain in the parts that we have conditioned to be associated with that particular train of thought. We have taught ourselves how to react and respond over the years and we are still doing that daily; unknowingly training ourselves to continue these habits.

Now that we are aware that most of our reactions are unconscious or merely happen out of practice, the good thing is we can now afford to change them. We can now let ourselves train our minds to react the way we want or better yet learn to simply respond and not react. How do we do this?

One way of doing this is to catch ourselves when we find ourselves reacting in the same old way in that moment. Or if you even notice how right before you react how your energy changes in the body, how it’s starting to get defensive and build up stress in the body waiting for battle, allow yourself to watch these changes in your body. Take a breath, simply observe, and not engage with it. Just try to notice. Doing this will allow you to shift your mind from the problem at hand where you are about to react with no clarity and just out of habit, to being aware of your body bringing your awareness to the present moment. No problem can survive the present moment! This prevents you from reinforcing the same patterns and also helps you to break that habit in the moment.

Another thing you can do to break these patterns is to simply see it for what it is. Whatever the problem is, think why this is prompting a reaction out of you? Where is this coming from? Any trigger is usually when we want something to happen a certain way and it doesn’t. It doesn’t meet our expectations of how it should be. If you can let go of all the labels and allow yourself to let go of how you think it should be, you can see it just as it is. Viewing it for what it is with no labels and expectations will give you a better sense of clarity and a better understanding as to how to approach it. For instance, a dog barking is only a nuisance to you because we have taught ourselves to think it is so. If we see it for what it is, it’s just a sound that’s made, it doesn’t register in your brain as something that is negative and you’re able to carry on without it being a problem at all!

Taking one step further, if you can understand that a problem is only a problem due the lens we are perceiving it from, and that it’s simply a matter of perception, then it’ll also be clear that if we shift our perception the problem starts to cease because we don’t view it as a problem anymore. This doesn’t mean you are ignoring or avoiding things, it just means that now you are able to see it just as it is, and able to tackle it with more clarity and clear thinking! Your body is not stressed, your energy is not chaotic, you are able to breathe and simply be if you just allow yourself to let go!